Reason

I've always tried to figure out everything with reason, and in a way, I've become a lot like Meursault from The Stranger. Meursault is an anomic character, unaccustomed to societal morals and values, who feels indifferent towards everything. Likewise, I often find myself not having an opinion on things, just letting things pass through me. One thing that really resonated with me, though not until today, when I was looking through old photos, was Meursault's reaction to his mother's death. Like Meursault, when my grandfather died two years ago, I didn't cry. In fact, just like Meursault, I only endured a fleeting sensation of grief, and then guilt, at his death. My need for objectivity, for rationality, for reason created a sense of absurd indifference in me. It wasn't that I consciously suppressed my emotions, it was just that I didn't feel like I had any. It wasn't until today, when I looked through photos of my grandparents, that I really felt sad.

Robert Solomon summarizes Nietzche in saying, "Unless we seek meaning from a different source, science is only going to promote nihilism, the sense that our world lacks value." I think I've tried to live on reason alone, which has led me to a sense of nihilism. Reason has led me down my path. Reason has led me to value honesty the most and to pursue "truth." Reason has led me to stop believing in a higher power. Reason has led me down the path to where I am, and I don't really know where I am now.