Can't Sleep

It's nearing 5 a.m., and I have yet to befriend sleep. The past six hours have been spent trying to find sleep, who would hopefully give me a chance to rest. However, as close as I may have gotten to finding sleep, the mission remains incomplete.

I began my quest to find this elusive fellow in my bedroom. Usually I simply close my eyes, and sleep finds me and carries me away into another world, filled with dreams and happiness. Unfortunately, this was not the case today. As I was not feeling well, I shivered under my thick blanket, double-layered pajamas, long socks, and 80 degree temperature. I rose about 30 minutes later, which felt more like an entire night, and tried my luck in my vacant brother's room. This process repeated about every 30 minutes, and each time the 30 minutes felt longer and longer until it felt like an eternity each time. On my journey, I visited the guest room, the living room couch, the floor, and more. However, sleep would not find me no matter where I called for him.

Now where I sit, I can't help but connect this experience with an even deeper one: the quest for happiness and belonging. As i trudged from location to location, I could not help thinking that this is what I have been doing all my life. I have been exploring new places and doing new things to try to find where I belong. I have been testing different waters in hope that I will find "my place," and with it, happiness. I have never really felt that I belonged fully to any group-never really occupied a specific niche. This thought brings me back to "The Wanderer" painting. Just like the man depicted, the search for self-discovery lays ahead.

Both my search for sleep and my search for a place in life remain unaccomplished, but now I will set out again for the former. The latter will come in time.