11/28

At first, I was shocked. My jaw dropped, and I was appalled-even disgusted. Siddartha's self-starvation, self-mutilation, and self-torture made me cringe in horror. However, this horror left as quickly as it had been incurred, and I realized he was simply carrying out his life in a away that made sense to him. Although I reflexively feared his actions, I saw there was only something to respect. He does what every sane individual in their life does (as insane as his actions may seem); he strives to achieve fulfillment. His spiritual journey may seem unorthodox through our cultural lens, but it does not make it wrong. In fact, his willingness to endure physical pain only strengthens my respect for him.

Weekly Blog 11/15

It's funny how few people take the advice to "live out your senior year to the fullest" until it feels like there's so little time and it's too late. It's hard though, seeing as how we are always watching the road ahead or the bumps in the road. When I'm not envisioning college and my future, I find myself focused on homework, tests, or being sick (i.e. the bumps in the road). Only sometimes do I take a moment to look around and see where I am. I really have taken for granted my life and all I have. Lately-meaning the past years-I have been fixed to this lens where everywhere I look there are only mirrors. In everything I look at, I see myself. Although not always at the fore, I have been watching to see how I fit into every picture. I think I'm starting to leave this view though, and the scenery on the side of the road is becoming clearer.

"Would you write on a deserted island?"

This week I was watching A Beautiful Mind when I was hooked by the line "Conviction is a luxury of those on the sidelines." I struggled with the line like a baited fish and could not stop thinking about it. Just as Hamlet struggles to exact the revenge he promised he would, I struggle to live by the beliefs I have always held onto.

As I climb the mountain, tremors shake the earth and I find myself falling. I grab at whatever I can, desperate to find something concrete that I can hold onto and believe in. The rocks loosen from my grip and the ledges offer only temporary support before the weight of my own self shatters it and pulls me down. I close my eyes, disoriented from this state of freefall, confused by up and down and the sky and the earth-the things I have always known. Finally I stop and open my eyes, and I'm holding onto something familiar. I'm back where I started, before the path became corrupted by jagged and obtrusive obstructions, and I was only dreaming. No scars, no broken bones, no pain. Under my daring and adventure is fear; it was hollow courage-nothing but bravado. I continue on right, marching to the beat of the drum. I only daydream of turning left and scaling the rough terrain.

Society's Net

Just as Mark Twain asserted that a person is only a product of society through Huckleberry Finn, Shakespeare does the same with Ophelia. Shakespeare's treatment of her can be described in a few words; she is a woman. As a woman in that society, she is simply a tool to be used by the men. For example, her father commands, "Ophelia, walk you here," and she quietly acquiesces, content with following a man's orders mindlessly because that's all she knows. Polonius uses her in whatever way he can to please the king and thereby ensure his own survival. Her culture traps her with a net from which she cannot escape the customs of society.

However, she is not alone. We are all products of society, and we are all bound by society. For example, even though most (but hopefully all) people now see the subjugation of Africans as highly immoral, if someone was born in the 19th century south, it would be unlikely to see him break from the norm and fight slavery. Just like Huckleberry, most would be confused about what action to take. Free will only allows one to navigate under the net; rarely does one break free from it.