Freedom at an unexpected time

I'm driving down the highway, and I can't help but observe other cars. Their crisp red tail lights enchant me as they glow against the early night sky. We are like a flight of fireflies traveling together for safety and for comfort. The thought of emptiness and isolation makes me feel vulnerable. For now, we tread the same path, navigating the curves of the wide road together.

But it can't always be this way. We see an exit approaching and some of us veer right, getting ready for the departure. A gut wrenching feeling twists my emotions and I no longer feel as I did before-safe and comfortable. Nonetheless, the rest of us continue straight ahead despite our loss.

We grieve for their departure, but continue on. After a long silence, I have adjusted to my lasting companions. I feel safe in our harmony of humming and whistling as we travel together.
But another exit approaches, and complacency leaves as quickly as it came. Another faction leans right and diverges. This loss feels greater than the first. Our numbers are gradually thinning down, and there is nothing that can be done.

And now another exit approaches. And another and another. I watch the last cars drive off, and suddenly I'm all alone. It is quiet now; there are no more hums and whistles, just silence and the soft buzz of the motor. I am disheartened by the loss of my flight, but in this loss I feel something strangely new. I can breathe freely now, but I never noticed before. It is like some burden weighing down on my chest has been lifted and for the first time I can truly breathe.

Human Imagination

To suggest that fate exists is to believe that there is something greater acting upon us that we cannot control, and that is simply something I don't believe. I understand that there are a lot of things we can't control, but why are those things attributed to "fate"? I agree that we can only control a certain degree of our lives, but what we can't control is simply what it is; it's just what we can't do anything about, not fate.

The concept of fate implies that each person is destined for something greater than simply existence, and that I don't believe. I believe that we exist and that we can find meaning within our existences, but there is no force such as fate that acts upon our lives. To say that we have fates is to say that we are superior to everything around us. Having fates makes us greater than the microorganisms and apes from who we evolved and more important than the rocks and plants which we share molecules and elements with. Who is to say that they don't have fates? Who destined us to be something greater, but not others?

Well, we did.

I don't know

I'm sitting at the hospital doing some unfulfilling volunteer work at the front desk. I'm also sitting here doing tedious and unimportant work for an AP class. This morning I went to deathly boring seminar on getting into college. Now I ask myself, "Why?"

A: I don't know. Probably because this is what you're supposed to do.

Q: "Supposed to do"?

A: Yeah. I'm supposed to volunteer, do sports, get involved, and take AP classes-just like how I'm supposed to go to college in order to get a job and money and somehow find happiness.

Q: Well is this what you want to do?

A: I don't know. It feels like some artificial dream/goal imposed on my generation and I-like society has some map drawn out for us to follow. I don't know what I really want. I just feel like I have to follow the herd on this path to "success." I'm afraid that if I step out, maybe to make my own path, I'll get lost and left behind.

Q: Do you think you're doing the right thing by following this path?

A: I don't know. I'm just doing it because it's what I've been told is best for me. It's what my parents, school, society, and part of myself have been telling me for a long time. But part of me questions how true it is and it's tearing me apart.

Q: Well don't worry.

A: What? Why not?

Q: Hey I'm the one asking questions here.

A: No, let me ask you. How do we know what's right and what's best for us? How do we know who to listen to, even within our own heads? How free are we really if we can't find new air to breathe outside of this atmosphere of conformity?

Q: I don't know.

Salt and Incest

Anna Akhmatova's poem, "Lot's Wife", teaches us that no matter how hard we try, we cannot resist looking back. Akhmatova emphasizes that it was a choice for Lot's wife to look back by using the phrase "gave up her life" in looking back on her hometown. We cannot resist looking back because the past is where our memories lay, and in our memories are ourselves. We are defined by our experiences, and to neglect our pasts would be catastrophic. In this poem, Akhmatova asserts that only two paths follow turning on one's own past, both of which lead to the same destination: self-destruction. On one path, Lot's wife gazes behind her, sacrificing her life and turning into a pillar of salt. On the other path, Lot continues and his life, never looking back, guilty of bearing the sons of his daughters. The only difference between Lot and his wife is that his wife chose the path of physical destruction; he would end up suffering emotionally. Akhmatova shows us that to deny our pasts is to deny ourselves-an action which cannot end well.